On Friends and Friendship

A recent post (Grudge or Reason) by my buddy Bill got me thinking about my own friendships throughout my life and how I've managed or mismanaged them. If you want to go check out what he wrote, go ahead... I'll be here when you get back...

I think friendships (and relationships in general) are cyclical. This is because people change schools, move away, get jobs, get married, have kids. You know the deal. If you think marriage is hard work, try making sure you keep up with all your friendships!

By the way, so far, marriage is way easier than I ever expected it to be! If you have to "work hard" at it, you might not be married to the right person. Oh... sorry... we weren't talking about that.

I'm lucky to be able to say I have a lot of friends. They run the gamut from being "very close friends" to "friends of friends I like a lot but we aren't very close". And then there are the different groups of friends who rarely, if ever, interact. We all have these relationships, don't we? The nature of these relationships change with the way our lives change. The challenge is to maintain the friendship, even though the relationship has changed.

One of my good friends, who I don't see very often, tragically burnt a bridge between herself and one of my groups of friends. She was working, going to school to finish up her degree, and trying to keep her foot in the art world. Every time there was an event involving this group, this friend was invited. But she rarely attended. After a while, members of the group got tired of the no-shows. At some point, one of the group confronted the friend and the friend basically responded that she was "working on her art and didn't have time to hang out with the group". Although that's a smack in the face (it could have been said in a different manner), the friend didn't say this directly to me, so I'm still friends with her. I didn't take any offense to the friend's busy schedule. Because it's part of life. You put effort into what's important to you at the time and true friends will support your effort. Granted, saying you don't have time (for your friends) is not the best way to maintain friendships.

When I do happen to chat on the phone or get the chance to hang out with this friend, it's really nice to catch up. I understand and accept that everyone has a life to live. Just because we don't speak to or see all our friends weekly doesn't mean those friends aren't in our thoughts. It just means that when you do connect, make it count.

I'm not saying all friendships should be kept. Some are really not meant to be. So Bill, if you're reading, even though I recommended e-mailing your friend and telling him "Congrats" on his wedding, do it if you really are happy for him. If you simply don't care, let it go.

Oh! And Hi, Neita! Just wanted to tell you I'm glad I got to see you over the summer and to meet Sherie!

OK... now go call your friends and tell 'em you love them.